Standing in Inquiry

Standing in inquiry means taking a position of curiosity, not judgment. It seems that the world is calling out for this practice. It’s also a topic that caught my eye recently in a list of workshops being given by the Human Systems Dynamics Institute. (HDS)

Personally, I like to interact with people who are different from me. They add different perspectives and experiences to my life and make life richer and more interesting. When I stand in inquiry and become curious,  I can gather a host of life lessons outside of my own homogeneous community.  When I find someone who “sits” in a very place than I do, I have the opportunity to see our social system in a much more holistic and diverse way. Organizationally, we make better decisions when we gather different perspectives.  When there are people in the room who challenge our traditional habits and defaults, we make better decisions.

Our political divide, personal egos, negative emotional outbursts, and the practice of judging people who are different are amplified via communication networks, particularly social media. But we can choose to follow a different path. How do we practice and stand in inquiry rather than judgment?  

The HDS has shared four simple rules that help us stand in a place of inquiry instead of judgment. Here’s a recap, with some of my own notes added:

Four Rules for Practicing Standing in Inquiry

1. Turn judgment into curiosity. Curiosity opens us up to inquisitiveness. When we display interest in the other person, it can generate an experience of wonder and novelty. In other words, we can learn about another perspective of what it’s like to be human.
2. Turn conflict into shared exploration. Too often, conflict is seen as a painful and competitive exercise. But what if we chose not to engage in the conflict but chose instead to explore what underlies the conflict? Exploration allows us to study, investigate, to delve into, and open up to entirely new territories.
3. Turn defensiveness into self-reflection. When we feel defensive, we act in a way that gets the other person to back away. What they are saying is making us feel vulnerable. One of my hardest journeys in life has been to recognize when I get defensive. Instead, I ask myself this question: What about this topic is making me feel vulnerable? Instead of being defensive, I will learn more if I set that feeling aside and instead wonder what I can learn about myself right now in this moment.
4. Turn assumptions into questions. It’s often our assumptions or unnamed beliefs that create a conflict or judgment. Many times, these assumptions sit in our subconscious or even our unconscious mind.  When I have a conversation with someone who asks questions like,  “Help me understand your perspectives?  or “Why do you think that way?” I’m invited to look inward. Questions like these bring my background assumptions into the light of day. And I can recognize when an assumption I hold is no longer serving me. That’s the power of standing inquiry

The Wolf You Feed Gets Stronger

One of my most-read blogs,  The Wolf You Feed Gets Stronger,  is based on a Native American story that recognizes we often have conflicting parts of ourselves co-existing inside of us. It is a story of a conversation between a grandfather and grandson about these conflicting parts of ourselves. The story ends with the grandfather saying, the wolf (inside you) you feed (pay attention to) gets stronger!

Like the wolf metaphorically representing different urges within us, we also live with the tension of judgment and inquiry in the same way. The urges we give in to or habitually act on, or “feed” will get stronger. If we want to stand in inquiry, we need to practice authentic inquiry! The four simple rules above are a way to feed the wolf that is curious and likes to explore and self-reflect. Not the part of us that wants to judge, dismiss, and hate the person who is different from ourselves.