The Myth that Feedback Goes Away

When we receive feedback that we don’t want to hear, there is a human pattern that shows up. Often, our first response is to ignore the feedback and hope that it will go away. However, there are two problems that occur with this type of response.

The first problem is that regardless of whether we choose to ignore the feedback, the feedback never goes away; it only gets stronger. If we choose to ignore the feedback, the next time we experience it, it will be stronger and harder to ignore. This pattern then continues to evolve until we reach a crisis. We have had this issue with climate change as we have received feedback on the actions we have been taking, yet time and time again, we haven’t responded. Now, the consequences of ignoring the earlier signs are being experienced by people around the world.

The second problem is that the consequences of ignoring feedback can be costly in time and attention. When we first notice feedback, there are a few responses we can use to make small adaptations that will proactively work toward making fixtures. If we wait longer, our options narrow, and the cost of adaptation rises. Ignoring feedback greatly limits our options to respond after passing the grace period.

In the building industry, if you make changes in the design phase, it will only cost you $1. If you initiate change during the building phase, it will cost you $10. However, if you make a change after the building is completed, it will cost you $100. This principle is used to make clients more intentional in the design phase to save on building costs and overruns that could occur later in the project.

This same principle can be applied to how we receive and adapt to feedback.

How do we ignore feedback?

There are common patterns in how we ignore feedback. These patterns are extremely valuable to know for our individual or organization’s ability to adapt and avoid increasingly negative consequences. In my work, I often see feedback patterns in how we:

• Diminish its importance. We do this when we dismiss the information as non-critical or unimportant. This often occurs when people say, “That is just antidotal,”  “This doesn’t come from someone in my inner circle,” or “This information isn’t relevant to our work.”
• Avoid it. I have watched leaders develop a pattern of being too busy to hear feedback from their direct reports. They cancel regular meetings because something more important has come up. Or, they fill the individual meetings with what they want to talk about to avoid hearing feedback from their staff. This pattern is always associated with a leader who actively avoids feedback. It’s a sign of a dysfunctional team.
• Hear it, but don’t act on it. Sometimes, we notice and hear the feedback we are supposed to pay attention to, but we don’t act on what it is telling us. We know we should do something about it, but we don’t have the commitment or discipline to respond. Individually, this might be what happens when our pants become too tight, but it doesn’t curb our eating habits. Organizationally, we know the regulations or policy changes occurring in state or federal budgets will impact the organization’s business model, but we don’t adapt and are unprepared when the changes are implemented.
• Explain why we don’t have to listen to it. It doesn’t fit into our belief system, so we rationalize why we don’t have to. This pattern is seen daily in our political dialogue and also in certain industries that choose to listen to some feedback but disregard others. That’s usually because it doesn’t fit with their worldview. Eventually, the strength of the feedback will overwhelm our worldview, but it will be painful and costly.

In the organizations I work with, I help strengthen the diversity and richness of their feedback loops by designing ways to pay attention to what the external environment is telling them, like environmental scanning. I often introduce simple ways to support feedback individually and organizationally.

I am trying to listen more deeply to the feedback I experience and see in the larger environment. I am also trying to broaden my view of the feedback I notice. I don’t want it to be limited to what my worldview predisposes me to pay attention to.