Buddhist philosophy says we create our own suffering, which is an interesting thought. It invites us to understand how we show up in the world and how we can actually increase or decrease our suffering.
There are two ways we increase our suffering. First, we hold on too tightly to a belief or worldview that doesn’t reflect the reality around us. Second, we deny what we are experiencing and, therefore, can’t adapt to our changing external environment.
Relationships and interdependence
I want to apply these Buddhist concepts to interdependence. Specifically, I’d like to know how denying we live in an interdependent system increases our individual, organizational, and collective suffering.
In my own work, once I began to see the profound interdependent nature of the larger system, my strategies and assumptions about what was important shifted. Instead of prioritizing “getting things done,” I focused on the quality of relationships around me. Since then, I’ve repeatedly seen that the speed of accomplishment and the quality of the finished product directly correlate to the types of relationships within the organization. As a result, I no longer view relationships as a distraction from the task but as an essential part of the integrated whole.
As I understood more about how relationships support and feed interdependence, I also saw how my defaults and unconscious habits hurt the environment. I recognized their impacts on future generations’ ecological and social well-being more fully. This deeper consciousness helped me dramatically shift my thinking and my leadership practice. My alignment with the world around me brought less stress, more joy in living, and less suffering.
Choosing our level of suffering
When we hold too tightly to a view of rigid individualism, we choose to believe we are separate from each other and the world around us. This creates immense stress and reinforces a profound sense of aloneness. We justify competition and ego and dehumanize some people. We see everyone else as the “other.” We suffer because we believe in autonomy when, in reality, we live in a deeply interdependent world.
No joy can arise without a deep appreciation of our deep connections with each other.
When we deny that we live in a world built on relationships, we expend energy to keep ourselves isolated. This hurts us because our denial shapes our decisions. In other words, maintaining separation and isolation in an interdependent world creates more suffering in the short and long term. Climate change, for example, demonstrates the danger of framing collaboration from an individualistic perspective.
Nature teaches us to live interdependently
When we actively deny the reality of interdependence and the vital role of relationships, we receive feedback that we are out of step with Nature. Over time, the feedback becomes more intense, and the consequences become increasingly negative. Responding requires more energy, and we become exhausted.
Our culture has placed rich individualists on a pedestal in society as if they are a model of what we should envy and aspire to. Sadly, they model isolation and a life devoid of connection, empathy, and joy. These people have no place in our interdependent world, and I think they know that. I believe that’s why they keep getting louder and more extreme.
We can choose another path. We can decrease our suffering by opening our minds to see all the beautiful connections in our world. We can seek out and accept invitations to live interdependently with Nature and each other.
Let’s take a moment to consider all the potential rewards of living interdependently. Here are some questions to help with that journey:
- How can I become more conscious of limiting mindsets that increase my suffering?
- How can I deepen the relationships around me?
- What practices can help me abandon old habits that no longer serve me in this interdependent world?
Nature would agree with Eckhart Tolle by helping us to be present. “When you accept what is, every moment is the best moment. That is enlightenment